He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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