if you like me you must not know who I am
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
