these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
