Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize