It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
