I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
