Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
