I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize