youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
