I met the friendliest cop last night
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
