the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
