How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Barsexuality is the new black.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
