thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
