i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
