i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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