I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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