Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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