Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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