I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
