He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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