just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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