Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
