On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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