If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
