i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There's always time for handjobs
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
