Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
