kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize