He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize