How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
