I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
