so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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