So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he shaved USA in his pubs
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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