Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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