Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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