you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Damn victory sex feels great
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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