i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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