I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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