Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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