Porn is love you can see.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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