I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
