Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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