I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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