A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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