i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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