No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
