oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
