I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
