Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
