This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
