he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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