Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
