Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
