At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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