and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
