a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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