I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
