I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
