My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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