I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
