i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
