break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
