how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
