i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
