Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize