The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
