I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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