somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
